Hey, It has been a couple of years since I've posted to this blog. The more things change, the more they stay the same. For some reason writing is cathartic.
I have dumped a few times over the last couple of years but this latest dump leaves me with something more to say. A new lesson I have learned.
I went into this last relationship thinking it probably wouldn't work. (Part of me thinks I should have stuck with my gut instincts) I hung back more than I have in past relationships although I'm sure it didn't feel like that to him. I tried to be open and loving but not go all in. I tried to remain aware of the fact that this relationship could end at any time without notice. I wasn't going to be the first one to say I love you or that I wanted to be exclusive.
But you know what? In the end it didn't hurt any less. What the hell?
Love is a bitch. That's all there is.
There are no guarantees.
From the beginning there were two camps. Those who thought this relationship was doomed due to the fact that he was 15 years my junior. (Do not call me a cougar! I hate that.) And those who encouraged me to be open to anything, to not prejudge what potential a relationship may have.
When I started going out with this latest dumper, I didn't think it could end any worse than the guy working the McDonald's drive thru, or the English Professor who told me two days before Christmas that he had been lying and he just didn't like me. I was ready for some fun and it was flattering.
He was serious. And I tried my best. But in the end it didn't work out. So should I have not gone out at all? No, because I learned something about myself in this relationship.
I still have baggage. I find it hard to trust and to believe in love. So I am thankful for that. I know what I need to work on. And I will try. But I also learned that you can't protect yourself from hurt. It doesn't work. Being aware that it may happen doesn't save you from the hurt when it does happen. Sucks, doesn't it?
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Day Two
Sometimes I just don't think I get the world anymore. I consider myself a bright, articulate, caring woman. Somewhat a feminista as my dumper would call feminists. I do believe men and women are equals, however I do not believe men and women are the same. I think it is pretty clear that men and women are more alike than different but there are definitely differences beyond the fact that men can't find the ketchup in the fridge.
I have heard and seen some horror stories this last week that just make me want to crawl in a hole and never come out to date again. A friend of mine had a good friend of hers who was, thirty-six, college educated, attractive, had a good career, an all around with-it woman dumped for a twenty-five year old high school drop out who worked at Popeye's. Now, I could be wrong but I just don't think if the tables were turned that she would have dumped him for a 25 year old high school drop out who worked at Popeye's. (I love Popeye's by the way). My friend surmised that the twenty-five year old had a tighter ass. Probably so. There you go. My ass isn't tight enough.(Which is not the same as being a tight-ass) She feels like women aren't valued for the same things that men are. I agree.
I have had this discussion with one of my best friends many times. Women are judged by their appearance. How attractive they are in general. I'm guessing the 25 year old from Popeye's was hot. What do you guess? I do not know any of these people directly but it seems like an oft repeated scenario. Just look around. There are many, many examples of average looking men with really attractive women. King of Queens, The World According to Jim, Green Acres, Everybody loves Raymond, The Simpsons, anyone Bob Newhart was married to or that crazy reality show with Flavor Flav. And before you point out to me that these are all TV shows look at real life political couples, Rudy Guilianni and his bride Judith Nathan, or Fred Thompson and Jeri Kehn. Hello?! And I know someone will point out that there are women who solely date men for money which is just as shallow as dating someone for their looks, but, I think how much money you make is more closely correlated with effort than looks.
I wish women could be appreciated and valued as much for their accomplishments and character as they are their looks. And I am not totally blaming men for this. We do a lot of this to ourselves. When we give ourselves names like Precious Bitch, and Hottie, on Myspace or allow our daughters to wear pants with "Golddigger" plastered across their ass. And I am glad that the whole metro-sexual movement is in full swing so that men can enjoy waxing as much as women. Of course this whole argument is based on generalizations no need to point out exceptions. There will always be exceptions.
Maybe this is just hitting home for me right now because after every time I am dumped I wonder if I was better looking would this have happened? I HATE FEELING THAT WAY. But the message I have received in subtle and not so subtle ways is that how I look is the most important thing.
I have heard and seen some horror stories this last week that just make me want to crawl in a hole and never come out to date again. A friend of mine had a good friend of hers who was, thirty-six, college educated, attractive, had a good career, an all around with-it woman dumped for a twenty-five year old high school drop out who worked at Popeye's. Now, I could be wrong but I just don't think if the tables were turned that she would have dumped him for a 25 year old high school drop out who worked at Popeye's. (I love Popeye's by the way). My friend surmised that the twenty-five year old had a tighter ass. Probably so. There you go. My ass isn't tight enough.(Which is not the same as being a tight-ass) She feels like women aren't valued for the same things that men are. I agree.
I have had this discussion with one of my best friends many times. Women are judged by their appearance. How attractive they are in general. I'm guessing the 25 year old from Popeye's was hot. What do you guess? I do not know any of these people directly but it seems like an oft repeated scenario. Just look around. There are many, many examples of average looking men with really attractive women. King of Queens, The World According to Jim, Green Acres, Everybody loves Raymond, The Simpsons, anyone Bob Newhart was married to or that crazy reality show with Flavor Flav. And before you point out to me that these are all TV shows look at real life political couples, Rudy Guilianni and his bride Judith Nathan, or Fred Thompson and Jeri Kehn. Hello?! And I know someone will point out that there are women who solely date men for money which is just as shallow as dating someone for their looks, but, I think how much money you make is more closely correlated with effort than looks.
I wish women could be appreciated and valued as much for their accomplishments and character as they are their looks. And I am not totally blaming men for this. We do a lot of this to ourselves. When we give ourselves names like Precious Bitch, and Hottie, on Myspace or allow our daughters to wear pants with "Golddigger" plastered across their ass. And I am glad that the whole metro-sexual movement is in full swing so that men can enjoy waxing as much as women. Of course this whole argument is based on generalizations no need to point out exceptions. There will always be exceptions.
Maybe this is just hitting home for me right now because after every time I am dumped I wonder if I was better looking would this have happened? I HATE FEELING THAT WAY. But the message I have received in subtle and not so subtle ways is that how I look is the most important thing.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Day One
Dear Diary,
Have you ever been dumped? I don't know if I have been dumped anymore or any less than anyone else but it all sucks.
Rejection hurts.
You're rolling along thinking things are good and WHAM!
"Something just doesn't feel right." HUH?
"I'm not sure this is going to work." HUH?
All of a sudden I am an idiot! What the hell are you talking about? This isn't going to work? Weren't we just talking and joking together? Didn't we just snuggle in bed for the last half hour? What's not working?
I guess I am unique. I can usually tell if I like someone within the first 10 dates.
What's with people taking two year, four years, etc. to decide that you are really not the one. I think we have an epidemic of commitmentphobes. People who are afraid that if they committ to you they may miss out on something even better. Fear, immaturity, the internet. We have so many more choices that it is overwhelming. Call me old fashioned, call me crazy. What happened to love and committment? Do you know how many men I have dated that "loved" me thought I was wonderful, blah, blah, blah but something just didn't feel right. Could it be the QT burrito you ate for lunch?
Hell, I do not want to be with someone who doesn't love me or doesn't feel right about me whatever that means. Maybe I am just too practical for dating. I love you, I'm attracted to you, I enjoy spending time with you, You have no addictions to anything stronger than Dr. Pepper, you have all of your teeth and a job. Gentlemen we have a match!!! There will always be someone "better". I would look better if you hadn't been with me for the last two years.
My goal for today is just to try and not vomit everytime I think of my ex in bed with someone else.
Have you ever been dumped? I don't know if I have been dumped anymore or any less than anyone else but it all sucks.
Rejection hurts.
You're rolling along thinking things are good and WHAM!
"Something just doesn't feel right." HUH?
"I'm not sure this is going to work." HUH?
All of a sudden I am an idiot! What the hell are you talking about? This isn't going to work? Weren't we just talking and joking together? Didn't we just snuggle in bed for the last half hour? What's not working?
I guess I am unique. I can usually tell if I like someone within the first 10 dates.
What's with people taking two year, four years, etc. to decide that you are really not the one. I think we have an epidemic of commitmentphobes. People who are afraid that if they committ to you they may miss out on something even better. Fear, immaturity, the internet. We have so many more choices that it is overwhelming. Call me old fashioned, call me crazy. What happened to love and committment? Do you know how many men I have dated that "loved" me thought I was wonderful, blah, blah, blah but something just didn't feel right. Could it be the QT burrito you ate for lunch?
Hell, I do not want to be with someone who doesn't love me or doesn't feel right about me whatever that means. Maybe I am just too practical for dating. I love you, I'm attracted to you, I enjoy spending time with you, You have no addictions to anything stronger than Dr. Pepper, you have all of your teeth and a job. Gentlemen we have a match!!! There will always be someone "better". I would look better if you hadn't been with me for the last two years.
My goal for today is just to try and not vomit everytime I think of my ex in bed with someone else.
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