Dump number ?????

Hey, It has been a couple of years since I've posted to this blog. The more things change, the more they stay the same. For some reason writing is cathartic.

I have dumped a few times over the last couple of years but this latest dump leaves me with something more to say. A new lesson I have learned.

I went into this last relationship thinking it probably wouldn't work. (Part of me thinks I should have stuck with my gut instincts) I hung back more than I have in past relationships although I'm sure it didn't feel like that to him. I tried to be open and loving but not go all in. I tried to remain aware of the fact that this relationship could end at any time without notice. I wasn't going to be the first one to say I love you or that I wanted to be exclusive.

But you know what? In the end it didn't hurt any less. What the hell?

Love is a bitch. That's all there is.

There are no guarantees.

From the beginning there were two camps. Those who thought this relationship was doomed due to the fact that he was 15 years my junior. (Do not call me a cougar! I hate that.) And those who encouraged me to be open to anything, to not prejudge what potential a relationship may have.

When I started going out with this latest dumper, I didn't think it could end any worse than the guy working the McDonald's drive thru, or the English Professor who told me two days before Christmas that he had been lying and he just didn't like me. I was ready for some fun and it was flattering.

He was serious. And I tried my best. But in the end it didn't work out. So should I have not gone out at all? No, because I learned something about myself in this relationship.

I still have baggage. I find it hard to trust and to believe in love. So I am thankful for that. I know what I need to work on. And I will try. But I also learned that you can't protect yourself from hurt. It doesn't work. Being aware that it may happen doesn't save you from the hurt when it does happen. Sucks, doesn't it?